Success Matured Me, Entitlement Kept Me Juvenile

woman in red dress climbing the stairs

Inspired in part by Karine Alourde & Troyce TV


We all fall into the pattern of going to school, doing well in school, getting a scholarship to a great university, and finding your dream job and then living happily ever after… This saturated fantasy is complete bullsh*t. Pardon my language, but, this was the dream sold to myself and my generation. While most followed it, no one studied the subject that they really enjoyed and no one got their dream job. We wake up and realize how unhappy we are and how we didn’t achieve the things that we thought we would… or so that is what is easiest to think about. I broke away from this mindset during the pandemic and realized that although I wish I could have done some things differently in my educational career; I have control over everything I want to do now and I can pave my way to success and not follow the standard formula. 

When I was getting close to graduating university, I was worried that this was the last big moment of success because once I finished school, I knew that I would have to start looking for a serious job… But I kept wondering if that was it. Was this the last big personal milestone? I knew that there were many things that I wanted to do like write a book, run my own company, expand myself creatively but, with the reality of how difficult it is to do all of this on your own without having a lot of money accessible. That’s what I believed until I was offered the chance to write my own book from a close friend who decided to open up their own publishing company. While this was an exciting new challenge and experience, it was going to cost me time and money but, I knew I had a story to share. It took 7 months of working extra hours at my job and hours of editing and translating from English to Spanish; it was some of the most stressful work that I had done since graduating but it was all worth it. By the end of those turbulent 7 months, I could officially say that I was a published author not just because I published my own book but, I went through the ups and downs to get there. There were moments that I thought this could really open so many doors for me and there were moments that I wanted to pull the plug on the whole book. But, I managed to get through and learn along the way how to publish a book and I can’t wait for the next project to come out to show my maturity and growth; learning from previous mistakes that I had made. What is disappointing is that many people do not know or understand this feeling.

To do something and achieve some kind of success, it takes time and dedication. We all went to university so that kind of success fades when you know that everyone did it and you feel less special due to the circumstances. After graduating, many people just work a job and enjoy their vices to hide their disappointment instead of saying “Hey! You know what? I am going to learn how to publish a book! I am going to learn to open up a business! I am going to learn how to speak French and move to France!” Instead, I often hear people complain about how they don’t have opportunities thrown at them or how they deserve opportunities because they did everything “correctly.” The truth is that there is no correct way of doing everything and that’s probably the scariest thing. With no clear definition of what is considered to be success, it is on the person to determine what is successful to them. Whining about how other people are doing things that you want to do whether it be opening up a business, running a YouTube channel, or whatever it may be will not get you anywhere because it takes hard work to get there. It may take weeks, months, or years of understanding a concept to get a step closer to being successful at whatever you are doing. However, in this day and age of instant gratification, why waste our time doing that when we have social media or dating apps to help? Or the help of our parents for that matter for those who were lucky to have parents pay for most of their ambitions. It takes someone having the balls to say that they are going to try something new and see if they succeed or not.

I am in no way saying that I am an insanely successful author, far from the point. But, I do feel a sense of accomplishment knowing that I am capable of doing such a thing and am able to connect with others who have taken this risk as well. There is no reason to not pursue the dreams that you once had before you went to university or started working because no one is going to hold your hand and tell you what to do all the time. It takes a degree of maturity and ambition to become your own teacher and only an unhealthy pattern of complaining and self-indulgent behaviors remain a juvenile child. 

Superbia

man in white crew neck top reaching for the like

The Dopamine Don’t Hit Right


Elements inspired by Tick Tick… Boom

Ive been using again 

I can’t help it

But, I know I shouldn’t 

Every now and then 

When I take it, I can forget every little thing

My failures that feel like a sting 

The emptiness of a one night fling 

But then, I forget the happy affairs 

The light in my heart knowing someone cares

The wave of calm I feel knowing someone is there

It gets hard to tell what is real or not after a while

All the fake love, all the fake smiles

It feels so good, even though I look like a villain 

How can you deny the love of millions?

How can you deny the praise of brilliance?

I keep going back again and again 

Till eventually, I don’t know what’s real in the end

Limbo: A Dialogue

Photo from Unsplash taken by Greg Rakozy


Inspired by real events

Death: Boo!

Me:..

Death: *Evil Laugh*

Me: … Boo!

Death: Why are you not scared? 

Me: Why should I be scared?

Death: Because… everyone is?

Me: Not me

Death: Why?

Me: Because I don’t believe in fearing my fate

Death: Your fate is to die?

Me: Not to die, but to go through the cycle of life. It is not like I can stop it from happening, just like I can’t stop the birds from singing, I can’t stop the waves from crashing back into the sea, and just like I can’t stop a child from climbing and falling off a tree.

Death: Humph. You make me laugh, so many people pass by but it is rare that I hear something like that.

Me: Most people don’t think of it.

Death: They don’t. I don’t. Very few do but, most do not. But, if they did maybe, they would respond differently. 

Me: Maybe

Death: Why do most react the way they do? Such surprise at their own demise. Yet, it is the fate of all, I know it to be true. 

Me: Because most people don’t think about you, to them you are not relevant until their journey ends. By the time you arrive, people realize it is too late to do all the things they said they would do. It’s always pushed to later so why bother and by that time you get the best of what they had to offer.

Death: The best of what they had to offer?

Me: Yes! All their potential, all their dreams, and all their goals.

Death: You make me sound like a bad guy. Maybe I am.

Me: No!

Death: I am, look at me! I come with a smile, eager for those to tell me of their journeys, traveling miles. To see life through a million points of view but, I only know little to a few. That guy who says, “It’s time to go” time to move on, how can you say that’s a good guy?

Me: You are just like birth at the end of the day.

Death: Then who is? Who frames me in such a way?

Me: Fear, he stops us from everything, no matter how small. From love, to expression, and the moments we could have had it all.

Death: It all makes sense now, everyone arrives with their fears and wonders how? As though, I am the one who took it all away. Regret, sadness, all these things are nothing I wish to bestow on anyone.

Me: Maybe there will be a glimmer of hope and as time goes on, as humanity will find ways to cope. To enjoy the cycle of life and say “it wasn’t so bad.” 

Death: It is a bittersweet quality that those who have come by are not scared of fear. A satisfied life is all I wish to see rather than tears.

Me: We have a lot to catch up on in many years.

Death: I look forward to seeing you again, some day. What will you do with your time?

Me: While my journey is not clear, I hope it is filled with adventure, joy, cheer. 

Death: May your life be long and happy… now get out of here!

Utopia: Explained

Photo from Unsplash by Andrey Andreyev


Let us start with an exercise: First, you must close your eyes and clear your head of everything (very similar to meditation). Second, I want you to picture the most peaceful setting on the planet, it may be the mountains, a plain, a small town, or even a big city. Third, I want to think of the people in this peaceful place, how are they interacting with each other? How are they grouped? What are they talking about?. Fourth, I want you to think of outside factors, such as entertainment, social media, and political entities; how are they operating in a peaceful setting? Last, take everything that you just pictured and throw it all away.

For those who were not expecting the last part, I wanted you to imagine a perfect world for just a moment but to also realize that it was all in your head. There is nothing wrong with having a strong desire to have a perfect world, but, the truth is that we do not live in a world that can ever be perfect for everybody. There will always be dissatisfaction to some degree whether it be “The sky is too blue”, “These people chew too loud”, or “I want more money but don’t want to put in the work to get it.” It can very much go back to the classic Yin and Yang that is used in various forms of ancient Chinese philosophy. The idea that opposing forces must exist in some form of duality with one another; peace cannot exist without chaos, love cannot exist without hate, and light cannot exist without darkness. To put it simply, everything that exists in our world will always have an opposite even if you narrow it down to the smallest details. So, why did I title this Utopia: Explained?

Truthfully, I believe that anyone can create their ideal world and life if they really put their minds to it. You do not need to make the world perfect for EVERYONE, you need to make YOUR world perfect for yourself. Sounds a bit selfish? Let me ask you this, do you think everyone in this world cares if you disappeared or if something bad happens to you? Unfortunately, the answer is no but, that is perfectly fine. You were not born to please everyone but, you can however; please those who see the value in you as a person. You do not need a million people to love you, just a few. You do not need a fancy car or a mansion, you just need a simple house or apartment where you can bring the people who matter in your life into your world. The people who are there, the space you make for yourself, and the outside world you choose to surround yourself in whether it be a rural area or a big city, that is the utopia that you have been searching for.

Speaking for myself, I can honestly say that I have 2 or 3 friends that I can genuinely trust, I have family in my life that is encouraging and not toxic, and I WILL live in a place where I feel at peace (not there yet since moving is expensive). I stopped talking to people who cause problems in their own life, people who criticize my endeavors, and go places that make me feel at peace instead of in a mist of chaos AKA clubs, music festivals, etc. Not against the concept but, having been there and done that, I have no interest in that atmosphere anymore. Once you realize that the utopia you are so desperate to create is in your hands rather than tossing the ball to another person to get their input, only then can you truly live in that paradise that you dream to be at. 

Food for thought. 

Some Like It Red

Photo from Unsplash by Michèle Eckert


Once upon a time in New York City during the 1960s, there lived a young gay wolf named Rolf, who always dreamed about becoming a star. Growing up, he would often watch movies of Hollywood’s Golden Age such as The Wizard of Oz, Casablanca, and Pyscho. Audition after audition, Rolf would be rejected by casting directors who were seeking people to be in their movies. He was struggling, gave up everything to pursue his dream, even dropped out of high school to focus on only auditioning. That all changed the day he got hit by a limo that held one of Broadway’s biggest stars. It was Scarlet Hood although people would often refer to her as “Little Red.” She had stared on every Broadway production since she was a baby. She was one Rolf’s role models, he had seen every musical she was part of and knew every role that she had played. She came out of the limo furious! 

“What are you doing crossing the street when cars are clearly driving! The damn sign says not to walk for fucks sake!” 

“I…I…I…YOU’RE SCARLET HOOD!”

“Obviously! Now look at this you made me late for my audition for Sugar Granny’s Productions. This is suppose to be my breakthrough!” “Wait! Sugar Granny Productions! They are one of the biggest production companies in Hollywood today! You have an audition with them!?”

“Yes I do! This is my chance to get the lead role in the movie Babes in Toyland! Do you not know how important this is to me! I can finally stop performing on that stupid stage and have my face on the big screen! Now get out of the road before you make me more late then I already was!” 

“Wait! I have been trying to get someone to cast me and I could really use your help with getting a part in the movie, I’ll take anything even if Im an extra in the background!”

Little Red looked at him and smirked at Rolf’s desperate plea for help. All she could do was laugh in his face.

“You really think that you can make it to Hollywood? Im sorry, but you should just give up, you can’t compete with people like us. We were born gifted and if you haven’t even caught the attention of one person already, then why are you still trying?” 

And just like that she hopped into her limo and drove off to her audition. Rolf was heartbroken to hear one of his own role models tell him that he was untalented. His sadness quickly turned into anger and he sought to prove Little Red wrong. He followed her limo to Sugar Granny Productions to audition for the same role as she was going to. When he saw her go into the studio he headed towards the window to go and spy on her audition because he wanted to go in the minute she was finished. Rolf noticed how innocent she appeared while she performed her piece, eyes big, huge smile, an angelic voice. It was all an illusion. The moment she took her bow and thanked the casting directors, Rolf bursted through the window into the room. Slightly injured and desperate for the directors attention, He got up and presented himself. Little Red was flaming with anger. 

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?” She said. 

Rolf completely ignored her and started to introduce himself until one of the older casting directors got up and approached him with a concerned look on her face. 

“Oh Sunny are you ok? You just came through the window as though you were being chased by the police.” 

“I’m fine! I’m here to audition for the same role as she did!” He said furiously pointing at Little Red.

“… Umm you do know that the role that she auditioned for was for a female? Right?”

“Yes, but I’m very much in touch with my feminine side! Trust me, the only reason my make up is messed up is because I crashed through that window!” 

A little confused and scared the casting director sat back down along side the other directors and let him continue his audition.

“Hello! My name is Rolf and I will be performing ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ from the classic Wizard of Oz!” 

The casting directors had some faith in him when he presented himself only to be disappointed by his off key singing and unnecessary interpretative dance. They could not tell if he was out of it from jumping through a window or that he was trying to portray a female. They eventually stopped him in the middle of his performance. A male casting director looked at him and shook his head. 

“I’m sorry, but you just do not fit what we are looking for in the role to be completely honest with you.” 

Rolf looked startled by the statement and started to tear up a little. Little Red began to burst out laughing. The older woman then got up and approached him once more.

“The role is going to Scarlet. She fits the criteria of what we are looking for in the film and I’m sorry, but we would also prefer a female.” 

“HAHA! I TOLD YOU! YOU NEVER HAD A CHANCE! ESPECIALLY GOING AGAINST A PERSON LIKE ME!” Little Red said as she continued to laugh and brag about herself. 

Rolf became so overwhelmed by Little Red and the casting directors that it finally happened. He cracked. He pulled out his gun in his bag in case of emergencies and aimed at Little Red. She stopped her laughing and looked horrified along with the directors. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” 

“YOU ALWAYS SAID YOU WERE THE STAR! NOW IM GOING TO OFFICIALLY MAKE YOU ONE!”

Without a moments notice, Rolf shot Little Red in the face and she died instantly. The directors screamed and called the cops immediately. The police showed up quickly and took Rolf away. He was then sentenced to life in prison for first degree murder of Little Red. Before he was taken away they asked if he had any last words for his actions. He simply said.

“I just wanted to be a star…”

MORAL:

Don’t let failing go to your heart,

And don’t let success go to your head.

The End.

The Starving Creative

Photo from Unsplash by Austin Chan


This needs to be said; we are living in a day and age where we have no creativity, no originality, we are living in a day and age where creatives are being rejected if they do not spew the same propaganda. Its is usually, same story, different character, and that is it. Do not get me wrong, it is amazing to see people of different backgrounds on tv, in movies, and in books; however, we are solely relying on obvious features of a person to connect with them rather than, uniquely distinct character traits that makes anyone special.

We went from creating things like The Matrix, Gattaca, Black Swan, and other incredible movies and books alike to repeating the same messages of doom and gloom whether it be a constant reminder of how different you are or how you need to be scared at every waking minute because you can die. That is not what a creative is, that’s what a propagandist is. The exact definition coming from the dictionary is “a person who promotes or publicizes a particular organization or cause (Oxford Languages)”. We have seen this in the classic sense of newspaper and magazine cartoons which is completely fine but, with recent world events we see it in every part of our lives. We need people to come forward and start seeing worlds and ideas that are beyond our known reality. You know what happens when you do that? You are able to create culture, you are able to bring people together, and you become a great contribution that mankind can look back on and still talk about.

Some of the most incredible creators such as Prince, Selena, Langston Hughes, Emily Dickinson, Marilyn Monroe, Sade, and so many others that I cannot think of at the moment have left a mark in society that new creators can come back to for inspiration. Now everything is just a simple reboot, reboot, reboot. Why? Because it is easier to just use concepts that have been used before and just adjust them to modern day standards. I am so bored seeing the same things, how many times can you remake something? People are being sedated in a sense with this mediocracy, giving them the same pill just a different color. I must say and do apologize to my young audiences, F**K THAT!

Frankly, I am going to create the things that I want and explore the things that I find fascinating like different personality types, space, adventure and make something original, make something fun!

If you are someone with a new creative idea or concept, I am telling you now, go for it! You have nothing to lose, we are living in an age where any dream is possible, mind you it is hard work like no other but, I would not be writing this to you if I did not believe you could do it. You want to make a comic book? Watch videos, contact people who have done it, and work hard like no other. The same goes for singers, download BandLab and get to work, if you are an artist, learn how to expand and go outside of your comfort zone for inspiration. Go back to the Golden Ages of creativity, because it starts with people having the balls to form our interpretations of the world around us. I may not know you but, I believe in you, be brave! Because you know what happens when you are brave, you bring hope, that hope is shown through your work, and when you create something that is inspiring, you are able to heal the world of despair by giving them a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Creativity is the cure to stale tasting world.

Photo from Unsplash by Bamagal

Speaking My Language

Photo from Unsplash by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona


Despite the fast paced changes of society in recent years, that can be seen as both negative and positive; there is something to be excited about: the race to space. 

For years, the space industry has been focused on researching and understanding different galaxies beyond our universe. However, as of recently we are seeing a rise in interest to travel into space by both the private and government sectors. Elon Musk is trying to build the first successful space colony on Mars with flight tickets going out in late 2026 (subject to change check the website for all updates). NASA is currently working on a project to land the first woman on the moon and is hoping to make space tourism sustainable by the year 2028. While these are all exciting goals for mankind to look forward to, we tend to forget about possible encounters with different species and the potential barriers; to be more specific, understanding what the hell they are saying half the time. 

Language is a very complex system that human beings have used for years to help us communicate our inner thoughts. So much so that we have over 300 languages spoken today and approximately half of the population can speak two or more languages. With that in mind, who is to say that we are prepared to communicate with them? Who is to say that there are not any alien languages that we will all have to understand in order to join the ranks of space? We have seen in history that language barriers have caused problems in society, we may end up repeating history in a different environment if we are not careful. We have seen this in the past with numerous historic examples such as European expansion into the Americas, Africa, and Asia. The language barrier was a major key factor for colonization and while we as a species have managed to move past this and have become more open to understanding the language of others, we do often still have issues understanding one another especially in this day and age with numerous mediums. 

If anything, we can state that this is a time for us to improve our language and communication skills amongst each other as mankind prepares for our next giant step into the stars.