Tag: Self-Esteem

Posted on

The Ballerina Paradox

Photo from Unsplash by Wan Chen

It Starts with One Single Step

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to be a ballerina. The average ballerina would spend about 8-10 years to train and become a professional. From the simple 2-3 classes a week, by the time they are midway through their training they are practicing 13-15 times a week at minimum. She knew it would be difficult and she would spend most of her time practicing but, she loved it with all of her heart. Most people can appreciate the elegant ways in which a ballerina can present herself on stage but, they do not think about the years of training, the intense competition that she may have faced, and the pain she feels in her feet every now and then by pushing her to the limit. Nonetheless, she continued to dance, she continued to persevere through it all, and she pushed herself to be the best that she can be. Something so beautiful is born from someone’s ambition and hard work. So with that said, what is the Ballerina Paradox?

Comfort versus Passion

Comfort is one of the primary things that we need for our survival, the basics include: food, shelter, water, sex, and sleep. Fairly straightforward and simple. When we are born, we learn to crawl, walk, and speak the language in our household. We are sent to school where we are taught by our teachers the basics that we will need in order to be successful in society. We are then given the option to go to university or begin working in various fields. We are comfortable in a university setting or a newbie in the workforce because we have someone guiding us and then we eventually get into the flow of things. We are able to provide for ourselves and supply ourselves with things we wish we could have had. With that being said once we have had our comfort, how do we find our passion? The big difference between passion and comfort is that passion requires more self discipline and drive to be an autodidact. The passion comes from the willingness to fail and be your own teacher in the field that you are interested in. No one really wakes up one day and is successful writer, YouTuber, or entrepreneur (they can but, it is an extremely rare exception to the rule); it takes a person a significant amount of failures and years of practice to perfect the thing that makes them smile, that gives them a natural dopamine rush when they see results, that part of them that they are willing to share with the world. 

Dare to Dream

No one is saying that you automatically know what you are passionate about on the spot. It takes a deep dive into your interests and curiosity to truly understand where your passion comes from. Maybe you need to take some time and look through old photos from your childhood to the times that you use to paint, play soccer, or sing in your local choir. Maybe you are going to spend hours looking at videos on YouTube about how to start your own SoundCloud or your own Etsy shop making organic soap (I don’t judge). It takes some trial and error to figure out what you would be willing to sacrifice your time for. Once we discover our passion we then become the ballerina, trying and learning endlessly about how we can improve to be the best at the thing that we love. It just takes hard work, dedication, and the drive to take the risk on yourself. 

Posted on

Language Anxiety: Let’s Talk About It

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

    Have you ever gotten clammy, nervous, or felt your heart race when you were in your Spanish or French class? Most of us have been there. This feeling is called xenoglossophobia (zen-o-glos-o-phobia), this is a situation specific anxiety whenever someone has to communicate in a language different from their native one. Like regular anxiety that can be triggered by broader situations, xenoglossophobia can be managed if treated properly using different techniques to combat it. However, before we look into the solutions, we must look at the common triggers.

    One of the first triggers is the fear of a negative evaluation; the fear of not being understood or heard. Let’s be honest, if you are a language learner there is a good chance that someone has laughed at you for mispronouncing a word or having an accent. This can intimidate us since we are already putting ourselves in a vulnerable position by speaking a language that we are not familiar with. We want to feel validated by our peers which is why the sting hurts even more when you are going into this knowing that you are not the fluency that you may want to be at, risking your ideas and perceptions being lost in translation. This leads into the second trigger which is the feeling of having our identity attacked. Through identity protective cognition, when our identity that we have built and internalized through our own experiences is being attacked from external forces, our fight, flight, or freeze response is activated. Flight or freeze is often the choice of many people when encountering a situation involving a foreign language. The beginning stages of a new language can prohibit a person’s control of what they can say. With the additional anxiety when speaking another language it can cause problems with one’s ability to cognitively process the language thus creating problems with your language progress. So with this said, how are ways that people can move past this to actually improve their language abilities. 

    The first is to surround yourself with people who are native speakers in your target language who are open to mistakes. The best way to learn is to be in an environment where you can prosper, being in a tense place where you are being heavily judged will not help you. Only take a language course that counts towards your GPA if you can handle the anxiety of another language impacting your grade (there are literature classes that can help fulfill your language requirement at university but, always double check). The second thing is to take every mistake as a stepping stone towards where you want to be in your target language. Like any other skill you will learn from the mistakes that you make, you will have moments where you will have minor errors and then you will have moments that you said the absolute wrong thing and the person is staring at you wondering why you asked to hold a sausage. The best way to handle everything is to laugh it off, laugh at yourself, a good sense of humor goes a long way. The third rule is to not set the bar too high for yourself to the point that you feel as though you are wasting your time. Do not expect to have deep meaningful conversations about your place in the universe after a few days or even weeks of studying a new language. Start small, memorizing the most used words in the language, talk to yourself, write down your thoughts in a journal, listen to the music, etc. Everything will fall into place once you master the simplicity of doing small everyday things, you will be more prepared for the challenges that you may face when it comes to complex subjects from philosophy to business. The final note is to study a language you genuinely want to know as a whole, from the food to the culture, be committed to the language like you would a relationship. 

    Language is the foundation in which we communicate with one another, it is a gateway to new ideas, relationships, and possibilities. It is as though you have unlocked another part of yourself by learning a new language. It is highly intimidating to have a limited vocabulary to express yourself but, like anything else in life you are taking a risk; the risk of being lost in translation in order to better your communication skills. You will listen and comprehend more not only your target language but your native language as well. I had my moments when I gave up and quit a language but I always found myself drawn back to it whether it be by music, tv shows, or the culture. It can be a lot but, be open to knowing that learning a new language is a never ending journey and there are a million words that can be used to express yourself; you just need to find the right ones.

Source: https://blog.chatterbug.com/en/how-to-overcome-your-foreign-language-anxiety/ 

Posted on

The Psychology of the Underdog

Photo by DISRUPTIVO on Unsplash

They have always had the odds stacked against them but, when push comes to shove, they always keep trying their best; the underdog knows that their chances of victory are small but, for them they just need to know that they have a chance to keep going. We have seen this is a number of tv shows and movies. They have a sense of optimism and positivity knowing that they can only get better given their circumstances. This can sometimes lead to them feeling like they need to live up to an idea of perfectionism, which can make them heavily rely on vices to cope with these feelings. And when they are at their best, they are hardworking, appreciative, and confident in everything they do. This is a brief overview of the modern-day underdog and how we all can relate to them.

The underdog usually comes from a rough, disadvantaged background such as the result of a teenage pregnancy, an undocumented family, family with little to no financial stability, etc. We see this on tv shows like Shameless with characterLip Gallagher born to two parents who are addicts, raised by his older sister; and characters like Amy from Superstore who is a college dropout turned teen mom. This is also present in biographical movies such as Cinderella Man and Selena They try to make the best of with what they have since they have had to be resourceful most of their life. Selena designed her own outfits for shows due to the lack of funds in her family. Lip would take the SAT’s for fellow classmates if they paid the price to help pay the bills. Their families are often their biggest supporters because they hold the potential of the entire family, everything that individual members could have achieved is placed on them. This makes them the role model or shining star of the family because they are the one who has the chance to change the path for those will come after them.

Most underdogs have huge ambitions; they crave the desire to want more out of life knowing that they have an opportunity to start over. They aren’t just trying to prove something to the masses but, to themselves. This is why their failures are considered catastrophic in their heads, any small mistake can make them feel like they are 10 steps back. Perfectionism can consume them to an unhealthy point. They can often come off as humble, generous, and observant. An excellent example would be the kind and sweet nature that the late Selena Quintanilla was known for to all of her fans and those that encountered her. Always wanting to be “accessible” to those who needed her, even inviting fans on stage to dance with her. They are the friend that will be there for you through hard times and listen to you; sometimes even allowing themselves to be vulnerable to help comfort others. Small acts of kindness are their specialty; attempting to make the world a little more compassionate. They try to be the best at everything whether it be a student, friend, athlete, employee, etc. However, this can cause them to break at a certain point and derail the progress that they have made.

Due to the pressures they put on themselves to succeed because of their background and society, the underdog can dabble in behaviors that can be considered unstable and/or dangerous. This can be heavily due to Roy Baumeister’s Escape Theory; in which an individual engages in behaviors to help them flee the negative perceptions they may have of themselves. They may suffer from mental illness that they often ignore to keep pushing forward and then have difficulty getting out of bed or going to sleep knowing that their main purpose is to solely work hard to become society’s version of successful. Some individuals may turn to alcohol, sex, and drugs as vices in life to alleviate the pressure of perfection they have built into themselves. The high that they start to depend on from sex, drugs, and alcohol can contribute to the digress of their progress and thus dive into more destructive behavior. Take Lip’s spiral in college in season 6 as he begins to drink throughout the day and begin an affair with one of his professors even becoming a cuckolder. Due to the pressures to keep up his grades and maintain a clean record, he ultimately gets himself kicked out of college after his actions catch up to him. A different high that the person relies on is power and control over their life they had been seeking even if it involves turning their backs on the people that supported them from the beginning. This is seen in Superstore’s Amy who begins to jeopardize the staff’s chances of starting a union once she is appointed manager in fear of losing her position. They start to embody the qualities of those who looked down on others like them; sometimes without realizing it. As Will Smith once said, “Don’t let failing go to your heart and don’t let success go to your head.” This can eventually this can lead to them having a lonely life with people who may not genuinely liking them for who they are rather than the ones who cheered them on when they had nothing.

Despite the number of obstacles that they have had, the underdog has goals, confidence, and optimism that we could all use. They are motivated to try to become achieve their full potential. This could be due to motivational psychology theory Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs which states that once we achieve our basic needs of safety, access to food and water, as well as intimate relationships, we desire to reach the peak of our potential through self-actualization. They know that they can only go up from where they started and appreciate each accomplishment they earn as they have had to fight to prove themselves. In a way, they represent the anxieties of the upper class; take for instance Cinderella Man; James was a rising boxing star about to take down the champion of the world, Max Baer. Upon meeting at a dinner party, Baer attempts to intimidate James by insisting he not even bother fighting him because he will kill him in the ring having killed two other men during previous matches. Being knocked down from their high status by someone lower than them ultimately strikes fear in top dog knowing how fragile their rank is. But further proving that anyone can raise above

The underdog has always been seen as the least threatening person in the room but, in recent years they are starting to be seen as the person most likely to succeed. The underdog embraces being the underdog because they wouldn’t be who they are without their background. The general public loves to see a breakout story which is why there have been movies made about these people. They try to have a good head on their shoulders and see things in positive but, realistic way. To a certain extent, the underdog symbolizes our own struggles to be the best versions of ourselves and reach our full potential in society even when we have the odds stacked against us. And their confidence? That just makes them sexy.

Posted on

Gringafied

I am the granddaughter of a Dominican immigrant who was born and raised in the city of Santo Domingo, who left behind everything she knew to chase her dreams in America.

I am the granddaughter of Puerto Ricans who left behind an economic disaster in hopes for a better life in the city that never sleeps.

I grew up knowing how to dance because my family always knew how to throw a party with our brugal or coquito.

I grew up cleaning the house every Sunday even when I wanted to be lazy and do nothing.

I grew up having Vapo rub and sancocho whenever I was sick because my family believed that was the magic cure.

I grew up watching all my tíos play dominos without me until I turned 15-years-old and was finally allowed to play.

I grew up having a mini identity crisis whenever I had to fill out a form that said, “Despite what you have just answered, please fill out what is your race.”

I grew up loving the New York Yankees, screaming from the bleachers every summer with my dad.

I grew up knowing how to refill my metro card in under a minute before the train leaves my station.

I grew up hearing “It’s showtime!” on the train before street dancers start performing and I duck in cover in hopes of not getting hit.

I grew up knowing to go to the food carts that sell halal and to never get anything at the hot dog stands.

I grew up thinking I was going to be Kim Possible one day, save people from mass destruction and be a badass.

I also grew up learning English as my primary language to assimilate to American society, which is why my Spanish sounds “funny.”

I grew up straightening my hair so that way I could avoid having “messy” and “unprofessional” hair.

I grew up giving myself anxiety about my grades at 13-years-old because I felt like I had constantly had to prove something to American society.

I also grew up having to show the other Hispanic kids what my dad looked like in order to prove that I was really Dominican.

I grew up confused about why the Puerto Rican kids and the Dominican kids would start fighting each other when I was Puerto Rican and Dominican.

I grew up hearing “why don’t you speak Spanish?” or whenever I did speak Spanish, I would hear “You sound so white.”

Make no mistake with my identity, I am Puerto Rican and Dominican but, I also am American. I am the embodiment of 3 distinct cultures, I cannot be one without being the other.

But isn’t that what being Latino is all about? The embodiment of different cultures?

The embodiment of our indigenous ancestors, the connection to our African roots and the history we share with the Iberian Peninsula.

Or have we become consumed with this narrow criteria of being Latino that we have forgotten that?

Every day I continue to wake up, look in the mirror and be proud to be Latino, proud to represent Latinos in America.

And although I may not meet the standards to be Latino, you can never take away that part of my identity.